Bully for you… and me, and all of us

I have recently noticed many thoughts or questions being posed around bullying, be that cyber or otherwise.

I myself have experienced  bullying and who knows may have bullied others at times too.  Now when I think of bullying and bullies/bullied, I consider the various faces of shame/doubt. It helps me understand the two very different, yet linked experiences.

Often a traumatic event in many children’s lives, bullying can manifest later in life when we are feeling overpowered or the victim of a traumatic event, e.g. victims of rape, torture or an overaggressive boss perhaps? It speaks to the part in all of us that Erikson (1950) talks about in his Stages of Development – Autonomy V Shame and Doubt.

In my understanding of the #bully, they have often been #bullied themselves.  And #bullied to a degree that it can be almost life threatening to be at fault. The internal feelings of discomfort are so strong they can’t contain the ‘pain’ and as a result the ‘bully’ ejects the shame onto others. Indeed if you think of the redness that often occurs with shame, it can also be seen in the rage of extreme anger.

#TomHiggins, a friend and writer for TV, recently created a video for a local school of his in Liverpool educating children on bullying. This video helps kids understand the first signs of bullying and how you might take action. It translates really well to adults in my mind.



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